YOUR WORDS

On earth, humans are the only being granted by the Creator to form words. Not only to form words but to use it as a means of communication  among themselves. It was a gracious gift given to human being on the course of his journey for his development. Words, just like thoughts and deeds [in short, words are deeds too], there will also be a repercussion for every word you utter out. Becareful what you let out of your mouth, because they can determine your fate here on earth. Remember, Your words are firmly anchored in the Primordial laws of Creation, so be careful what you mutter, because just like actions and thoughts, they will always return to you heavily laden. And the effect can either be beneficial or painful to you.

Words are formed, from words, phrase/clause are formed, from phrase, sentences are formed, this are the capabilities of the human spirit alone. Your words can be used to develop your develop your yourself both spiritually and physically. For every word you mutter, in the Ethereal world, it takes on form and it will sooner or later manifest itself in this Gross material world(physical world of ours). 

You can use your words for the upliftment of humanity and this subsequent creation at large or you can also use it for destructive purposes, then it up to you. The consequences of your words will fall back on you. You will surely reap what you sow,  and you shall reap it in  multiple folds. It like planting a maize seed, at the time of harvest you are sure going to reap more than one seed. The same way the Law of Reciprocal action works. You can call it whatsoever you wish to call it, but the truth still remains that the workings of the this Primordial Law can be observed in all of Creation.

Now, my aim here in this article is to delibrate on the wrong use of words. Using of words in a destructive manner. Your words are destructive,  if it is not uplifting. Even when your are admonishing someone, donot admonish to your pride, do it genuinely. Gossiping is one of ways of using words wrongly, because nothing good will ever come out of gossiping.

Gossip means an idle talk, when you converse with another or give an untrue report about the third person, in his or her absence, then it is a gossip. It is totally wrong to meddle in people's personal issues all in the bid to bring them  down.


 "Oh  ye who believe! If a wicked person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest you harm people unwittingly and afterwards, become full repentance for what ye had done."   {Qur'an  49:6}

Do not join others in spreading rumour about someone, or his/her personal issues, especially when the intention of the unconfirmed news is evil. What you cannot say about a person in his/her presence, donot say it in his/her absence. 

If you really wants to grow spiritually, you must learn how to talk less. Minimize the  number of words you mumble. The human spirit was not meant to speak unintelligently and senselessly. Jesus admonished us to use few words. 

"Let your communication be, Yea, yea: Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil" {Bible~Matthew 5:37} 

Becareful of those that talk much! Be very careful of them all. Those who talk much are always backbiters, gossipmonger and rumourmongers, slanderers, liers, cajolers.

 "He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore, meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips." {Bible~Proverb 20:19} 

Just like deed, what really matter in words is the intention behind these words. Your volition behind every thoughts, words and deeds matter alot.The lord Jesus give the following statement about the intention behind a thought while he was teaching: 

 "But i say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already with his heart." {Bible~Matthew 5:28}

 

From now on, always endeavor to let the volition behind your thoughts, words and deeds to be pure. Let your words become a shining light to others. Let your words serve as means of encouragement to others. Your words should bring beauty and love to earth, not destruction and seperation. Let people find your words, trustworthy. Be a man or a woman of few words.

"Therefore, pay attention to all words: for they hold joy or sorrow for you, they build up or disintegrate, they bring clarity but can also confuse, according to the manner in which they are spoken and applied."

"Heed your wolds! let your speech be simple and true! in accordance with the Holy Will of God, it contains an ability to form in an upbuilding way and also in a destroying ways, depending on the nature of the words and the speaker." {IN THE LIGHT OF TRUTH} 

I hereby wish to end this article with the quote of  Gautama Buddha; 

"If speech have five marks, O monastics, it is well spoken, not badly spoken,  blameless, and above reproach by the wise. What are this five marks? It is speech that is timely, true, gentle, purposeful, and spoken with a mind of loving kindness."

 

 

THE KINGDOM OF GOD

"THE KINGDOM GOD" also known as THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN! What do you understand about this kingdom? The Son of God, Jesus, taught about the KINGDOM using parables. Why did Jesus emphasied so greatly on the matters relating to the Kingdom of Heaven? Even to the extent of sending his disciples as apostles to preach about the Kingdom of God. Infact, the purpose of the coming of the lord Jesus christ was based on the Kingdom of God. He taught with parables of  the sower, parable of the hidden treasures, parable of the leaven. 

What do understand by the phrase: THE KINGDOM OF GOD OR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN? In the artcle "DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAN AND ANIMAL" and "INTRODUCTION TO CREATION", I wrote about the origin of man and that of animals. The  human spirit originated from the spiritual realm. At the crown of creation, the spiritual realm is situated. You! as a spirit being, your origin is from the topmost part of creation, from where you journeyed down to this Gross material world. And on the course of your journey, the unconscious spirit spark to a conscious human spirit. But the truth is that majority of the human spirits on earth are fast asleep, indolence of the spirit. Only through your own effort can you work out your salvation for yourself.  Many cannot even pray for themselves without consulting the assistance of a so called man of God. Your church or temple cannot help you in this matter. You alone can help yourself. You seriously need to be awaken! 

The KINGDOM OF GOD, also called THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN is the home of the human spirit. It is the paradise. The paradise from which ones the unconscious  spirit spark was evicted, and has the need to return home as a developed and conscious human spirit. Just because The spiritual realm is called THE KINGDOM OF GOD does not mean that it is the abode of THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR. Even The Divine beings cannot  behold the countenance of GOD, not to talk of a Spirit being.


A glimpse of  THE KINGDOM OF GOD was shown to John and he gave account of what he saw in Rev 21:21-27, about the street made of gold. It is so unfortunate that so many will not be able to make it there.

The question is, how can you make it back to paradise? Jesus gave us the answer. The two statements pave the way to paradise. The first and the most important is "Hear O isreal; The Lord Our God Is One Lord". The second is, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself". This two qoutes are so powerful that you can trace your way back home, if and only if you can put them into practice. make them your daily lifestyle. Make this words your daily experiences. Other prophets like Zoroster, budha, prophet Mohammed (SAW), Moses etc. came with similar message, but they are mostly ignored. 


Before now, you have always pictured the Kingdom of God differently. Mostly christians, always picture heaven as a place in which a powerful being, in an human form, with white bear and hairs, dressed in white robe, sitting on a throne, with his bright lighten countenance. Wrong!!! God does not reside in Spiritual world, Only feel the nearness of God can be felt. The Creator Itself does not reside there.

It is true that there is no night in paradise, no sun, no moon, it is bright naturally, even you, your spirit body is shiny bright. No sorry, no death, no corruption, nothing evil thought can be conceived at all. All is working in accordance with the Promordial laws governing Creation.


The MILLENIUM is another matter entirely, probably in the future, i might delibrate a little about the Millenium.


 Jesus demanded that you seek first the Kingdom of God. 

Love your neighbour the way you will love yourself. Treat others in the same manner you want them to treat you. Learn to be a good giver, because only in giving, can you truly receive. And most important of all, love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, soul and mind. With all that you possessed.

 

INCEST: How offenders lure their victims into sex

Incest involving an adult and a minor, the minor hardly consent to being painfully violated. For incest involving a younger child(if you have been following my past articles, you will understand what i mean by younger child), it is totally unacceptable. To that child it is very painful, so why would a child consent to a painful activities like painful sex. sexual offenders uses their victim's age, dependence, and immaturity to their advantage. Most sexually abusive incest take place repeatedly over time. The method used by perpetrators to coerce these children/ unprepared adolescent into sexual activities and keep it secret with the children varies and depending on the situation on ground. There are many methods but i will discuss only two or three in this article.

Children/adolescent grooming: A groomer in this aspect is someone who seems to take care of the particular child/adolent victim. In an incestuous setting, the groomer could be her father, step-father, uncle, male family friend (even neighbours) etc. Out of all the children in that particular family, the groomer seems to give preferential treatment to this particular child/adolescent. Buying of gifts, creating a form of familiarity with the prospective victim. Taking her out, dashing out enticing promises just to get closer to her. 

           The main purpose of grooming a child/adolescent in case of sexually abusive incest is to allow for sometimes for the child/adolescent to become familiar with the offender. They draw closer by being seemingly nice to their prospective victims. The child/adolescent out of her innocency, might even have a crush on these intended offender. In an instance where the groomer is the father, he will try as much as possible to convince the poor girl that she is the most important among her sibling. He will show over protectiveness and try to isolate the intended victim. 

           Now, when trust is gained, the groomer strikes, mostly by seduction.They make it look to the girl like there is nothing wrong in watching pornography, all in the bid to develop sex interest in her. Some groomer might make the poor girl child victim believe that she is assumming the role of a girl friend and even the role of a mother incase the girl is his daughter or step.

Offenders appearing needy: In some incestuous family, the mother might be physically down (sick), emotionally weak, or psycholgically distressed, overwhelmed with the house chores, her work taking much of her time or simply showing a nonchalant attitude toward her family matters. The first daughters always fall victim in this setting. The first daughter in this setting, most atimes assumes adult responsibilties in taking care of other family members, the offender inclusive, in the absence of her mother. 

          The offender will make the minor feels like they need being taken care of and the poor girl, being naive, might fall for such trick. Sometimes, these girl do it in other to protect the other family members. For example, a girl child can go into incest with her step father, with the intention, that is younger ones are not to be touched by the same offender. Another example, a girl can go into incest with the father or step father in order to save her mom's marriage.

           Some offenders may even plead and try to convince the minor verbally, saying all kind of rubbish to this child. I came across an incident in one of our local newspaper recently. In a family of five, a father, a mother, two daughters and a son. The mother is always coming back from work very late, the father is a public servant, arrives home not later than 4p.m. The oldest daughter, 11years, does most of the house chores. She prepares daddy's bathing water, prepare his food, etc. After a sweet shower, and a filled tummy, then the need for sexual gratification arises. He calls the poor girl into the bedroom and violate her,  while the girl's siblng are watching TV in living room. The girl recalled the first time the incest started, the father strike a conversation as follows; "Come, i need you by my side. come, let me train you into a full woman", "You are the one keeping this family together, your future husband will be lucky to have a responsible person as wife" "please come closer, i need you, your brother and sister needs you, your mom needs you. You have always been a good girl. You can't turn away from us now". Statement like these confuses the girl. She feels guilty and give in to the phidophile father. At the disclosure of the incest, it was discovered that the abuse had been going on for like seven months undetected.

           Here is an exerpt from the book INCEST AND SEXUALITY: "My mom was never home, she worked nights, which was a perfect opportunity.  She worked night since i can remember, and that's when he started, because she wasn't ever home. I'd ask him why he was doing it,  and he'd tell he did it because my mom wasn't home to do it. I'd tell him that just because she wasn't there, didn't make it my responsibility, but i'd have to do it anyway".

FORCED INCEST:In most  incest involving a female minor, the offenders is always physically stronger than their victims. The offenders often force sex on the minor. It could start has occassional fondling of the girl's breast and genital, when she is thought to be fast asleep and even when she is awake. Then later graduate into a physical abuses such as slapping, drugged, hitting, blackmails etc. Since the offender is always stronger, they can possibly pin down the victim so easily. Most sexually abused children were overpowered by their offenders, the very first day the abuse started. In this process they sustain injuries in their private part and sometimes bruises on their bodies.

Here is an exerpt from the book INCEST AND SEXUALITY:

                 GIRL 1:    He used to stick his penis in my bottom. He'd have this stuff on it so it would slide ... He'd make me stand over the counter and i'd tell him it hurted so bad and he'd say, "Here, bite on this wash rag" or something. It was terrible. When he sodomize me, he'd be on the waterbed and i'd be down like that, he'd have his hands on the back of my head... so i couldn't really pull away to breathe.

                 GIRL 2:        I'd bite him!

                 GIRL 1:        When he's about two hundred pounds heavier than yiu, you can't bite him or tell him no. He'd say its all in your head that you don't like it... If you change your attitude... It's your attitude that's bad.  You've got the wrong attitude! And i'm sitting there thinking, my attitude! You shouldn't even be doing this!

          The annoying thing is that, pedophiles (offenders) always have distorted way of thinking about sex and takes pleasure in listening to the groaning cry of the children/adolescents they are violating.Thinking they are enjoying it. Meanwhile, the children are actually suffering. 

          Exerpt from the book INCEST AND SEXUALITY: I was molested by a next-door neighbor. I guess that I was between the ages of four and five when it first started. He-an older, fat, ugly man- had me do various sexual activities with him. This went on for several years, until i was seven years old. I was afraid of this person and i hated the acts. I knew what i was doing was wrong and I was afraid of being caught or my mother finding out. I feel tremendous shame and guilt. There were times when my mother suspected something was going on and confronted me about it, i always denied the fact and felt even more guilt. I was afraid that my mother would think I was a horrible person if she ever found out. The neighbor always gave me candy after he was finished, which i always hid. I suppose that's why my mother started suspecting things. She found a lot of stale candy in bizzare places.Finally my burden became too great, so i confided in one of my older cousins, who spent a lot of time at our house. He was about five or six years older than me, and for some reason I trusted him. That was a great mistake! I don't remember if it was right after i told him or sometime later when he used this information against me. I think i was about six when he blackmailed me. He told me that if i didn't have sex with him, he would tell my parents about the next-door neighbor molesting me. So i let him do with me what he wanted. I felt I hadno other choice. I was scared of getting caught. The pain of intercourse was tremendous. I was also afraid I was going to get pregnant. I was old enough to know how people get pregnant, but i didn't know that I wasn't old enough to get pregnant. My cousin also burned me with a match in my private parts, trying to see what i looked like. I hated him, and still do. 

          In the next article, i will be writing on the THE COPING METHODS USED BY VICTIMS.

INCEST; Signs that indicates a girl is sexually abused

BEHAVIOUR CHANGE IN AN ABUSED CHILD:
The bodies of younger children are not ready yet, for sexual activities, mentally, they are not ready either. It is more like an unripe organ, undeveloped, unprepared for sexual activities. Their imagination and hallucination, the pain and traumatic stress, which i believe is too much for a child to bear. For older children i.e an adolescent, she might be ripe enough, but the question is, psychologically, is she ready? When it is a dissentaneous incest, then it is a sexual abuse. 

          What are the signs to watch out for in a girl child/adolescent, if you want to know if she is sexually abused?  There are always some behavioural changes in sexually abused children/adolescents you can observe carefully, if you really want to help them, the following are the behavioural changes;  

 FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN {age: 1~10years}:

1. Bedwetting
2. Masterbating
3. unexplained gagging
4. Loss of appetite
5. Frequent genital infections 
6. Withdrawal or isolation
7. Explicit sexual knowledge
8. Vicious languages unusual for their age.
9. Irritability and aggressivenes
10. Sleeping disturbance e.g nightmares.
11. eating disorder
12. etc.

 FOR  OLDER CHILDREN {10~15years}:

1.  Depression
2.  Drug abuse
3.  Excessive alcohol consumption
4.  Low self esteem
5.  Withdrawal and isolation from social life
6.  Aversion to going home (Temporary or permanent runaway.)
7.  Infections
8.  Abdominal pain
9.  Muscle ache
10.  Self-mutilation e.g injuring self,
11.  Suicide attempt
12.  Truancy
13.  Dizziness
14.  Gagging
15.  Severe headache
16.  Seductive behaviour
17.  Promiscuity
18.  Prostitution
19.  Eating disorder
20.  Sudden weight loss or gain
21.  Change in school performance
22.  Delinquent behaviour
23.  Excessive masterbating
24.  etc

          There are more behavioural changes, but these are the common ones you are likely to notice in a sexually abused child. Should you notice one, two or more of  these behavioural changes in a girl child/ adolescent, do not to tag her a bad girl. It is wrong to judge, especially when you do not know the person in quote.

           Do not look down on them. Do not blame, scold or make them feel guilty. That girl might need your in order for her to break free from the torment of sexual abuses she is experiencing. Such child/adolescent needs your help. She is suffering deeply within her. Help! You can be the help thei child/adolesent needs to break free from traumatic stress. It is common for these signs to be completely ignored by other family members. If there is any response, it always consist of blaming and punishing the poor girl for the exhibited behaviour, not knowing that this change in attitude could be symptoms of being sexually abused. And this abuse can go on undetected for a long time. Long suffering for the poor girl.

             

So, i inbibe mothers to watch out for these signs. In most cases, the children/adolescents do not give consent to the offending adult, rather, some are forced into incest through various means of physical abuse e.g being slapped, drugged, held down etc.  remember, the offender is in most times stronger than his victim. Feeling of hopelessness, fear of responsibility, depression and threats from the offender keeps the victim from disclosing the incest.

              A woman, who was abused from age three to seventeen by her father, step father, brother and uncle gave this account: "I thought i'd be blamed and shamed- I had a crush on my step-father, so i thought i caused it at age five. When i was older, a teen, i thought my mother would have a nervous breakdown or else kill someone or some unknown and horribly shameful catastrophe would happen, we were not emotionally closed. I lived in a fantasy world for survival... I was under extreme stress. I felt suicidal, homocidal and schizophrenic. Barely on the edge of sanity, constantly."

               Incest involving a child is a forceful rape. A rape in which  injuries are opened and re-opened, everytime he penetrates. So, for you to help a sexually abused child/adolescent, the first step is to create some form of acquaintancy between you and the young lady, become her best of friends i.e after you have read the signs already.  When she discover that she can trust you with secrets, she might disclosure to you about the incest. All you need is a tangible evidence from her and then from there, you can help her by taking the appropriate steps in helping her.

               In the next article, i shall be writing on the methods used by offender in luring their victims into incest .

INCESTUOUS FAMILIES (2)

Advice to mothers in incestuous families;  My advices to all mothers is to pay extra attention to their children's needs. Most especially their emotional needs. As a mother, there is a need for you to open a channel of communication between you and your children at all time. Stop playing boss with your children. Female children are more liable to become closer to their mothers than their male counterpart. It is the female children mostly affected when abused sexually. Should you discover any incident of incest especially, a Father-daughter incest, at first do not lay any blame on yourself. Get enough facts before confronting him. His reaction to the allegation  leveled  against him will determine your next step.

         If he does not deny the intimacy affair he is having with his step/daughter, and he is ready to get help? Then indeed, he really needs help! Some men will even be glad at being caught, because this can put an end to an addiction that he could not discontinue on his own. 

          Do not be deceived when a pedophile is remorseful and promise not to engage any child in sexual activities again, then he has repented of his actions, NO! It is not a problem he can handle, he needs help, it is an addiction. If left alone, he is likely to continue with the victim, or source for another victim to devour because it is impossible to stop an addiction at once. So, do not sweep the issue under the carpet,  do not let him go without getting help. In Father-daughter incest, the perpetrator, being the father ican be very manipulative and could use another tactics to lure the girl into bed. When the man gets help, he will be able support the girl, in that way, the effect on the girl will be reduced to its minimal. The girl will feel some sense of belonging.
    
        Now, when your husband does not co-operate, threatens you, which is typical of most african husband, then you have to do the needful, i know the situation might be complicated one, but you just have to try and report him. It is likely that your daughter is not the only victim being tormented by him. Remember, it is an addiction he is battling with, do not expect him stop on his own. Pedophiles do not know how to stop, even if he wishes to stop. Unless you force him to stop.

    FATHERS IN INCESTUOUS FAMILIES {OFFENDERS}:
          Fathers or step fathers who sexually abuse their children lead double lives. On the outside, they may appear very normal, you might not be able to distinct them from other fathers. These fathers are member of every religion, race, profession, socioeconomic groups, and varying ages. They could be highly respected in the society, they could be first, second or third class citizens. They could be a very dedicated family men, who are good providers.

           Inwardly, sexually abusive fathers or step fathers are psychologically distressed, emotionally isolated and emotional immatured. Their view about sex and sexuality as a whole are distorted. They lack that ability to control self sexually. If a man can control himself sexually, his daughter or step daughter will be the last person he wants to willingly have sex with. Incestuous fathers are filled with very low self-esteem. These set of fathers may even grew up being molested too, as a child. Some seek to attain a feeling of power by exerting themselves as head of the family in an authoritarian way, other family members may feel intimidated by them.

            They are self-appointed experts on all family mathers. Always successfully isolating the other family members from outsiders. Method of accomplishing this ranges from the delibrate embarrassment of guests who are visiting to direct proscribing of family members from interacting with others.  Frequently, sexually abusive fathers will turn to alcohol, drugs or other form of escape to dodge the pain they feel inside. Incestuous fathers turns to incest in a vain attempt to meet their emotional, as well their sexual needs.

             On disclosure, abusive fathers will almost uniformly deny having any sexual activities with the victim. Now, when he finally admits, after tangible evidence has been present to him, he may nevertheless deny responsibility for the abuse, he might attempt to absolve himself by shifting blames to his spouse. 

              Some offenders sigh a sign of relieve after finally being caught. They may welcome an opportunity to get control over their problem. An offenders willingness to admit his responsibility for the abuse can in itself be a big help to the victim in her recovery.

DAUGHTERS {VICTIMS}:
A child/adolescent who is involved in incest in an incestuous families live in an ongoing state of psychological stress. These set of children are always very sad and helpless. Troubled by the memories of the past abuse, the fear of the future abuse, the fears that accompany the abuses e.g pregnancy and the pressure of keeping the sexual abuses secret. A good observer will notice the psychological stress of the sexual abuse on a child/adolescent displayed with the change in behaviour. You will notice a mood change, each time the offender is around that child/adolescent. In incestuous families, the fathers, step fathers, half brothers are always in the position to be the offender. The victims are always the female children. The offenders are always physically stronger than their victims.

             Children/adolescents victims in incestuous families are likely to have assumed a role as a parentlike figure to other family members, the process known in psychological terms as parentification. Such victims are usually the oldest daughters in the family. The "little mother" of the house may submit to sexual abuses by the offender for various reasons. Firstly, to protect her younger ones from being molested by the same offender. Secondly, sensing the mother's weakness, she is protecting her mother from getting hurt by her father or step father. Some daughters may even think that it is their responsibility when sex is requested of them. Victims of sexual assaults grow up without a sense of protection and security. All children needs love, care, security and trust. The first  people they interact with, when they arrive this world, are their parents. Children/adolescents needs their parent or guidiance to build their inner strength. In incestuous families, for children/adolescents in adult-child/adolescent incest, trust is totally destroyed. As such children grow, they may be handicapped in their ability to establish trusting relationships with others. A father in an incestuous family teaches the daughter victim that it is not safe to trust, not even herself.

             Now, can you imagine a child/adolescent with multiple offenders? such child/adolescent must be going through hell.

              When child/adolescent is neglected by all the the adults in her life, and the only seemingly caring adult around is the offender, taking advantage of her. she might interprete being taken advantage of as love. In this case, the victim might fall inlove with the offender, but it is still wrong no matter which way you are looking at it from. Even after the abuse becomes public, the child/adolescent may defend and continue to idealize the offender. The emotional dependency on the offender may blind the child/adolescent to the harm caused by the abuse.

              Sexually abused children generally, are secretive when it comes to the sexual abuse they are experiencing, because of the fear of being misunderstood, blamed, punished, disgraced. All children view themselves as the centre of all their pre-matured sexual experiences. It is quite difficult for the child to realise that the abuse has very little to do with her, that it is a symptom of a sickness no one discovered in the offender. The abused child needs help, likewise the offender.

                   RELATIVES AS OFFENDERS:
          The child's nearby relative can be her offender also. A relative according to the defination is a person who is in any form related to a particular family. So, a child/adolescent's offender can be a close relative in the person of her uncle, cousin, family friend, grandfather etc The most common of relative incest is a cousin-cousin incest. My concentration here still maintain on the offender-victim incest. The  victims are the weak, helpless female child and the offenders, the strong male molester. 

            In this setting of relative incest, the victims are always living very close with the offender. They could both reside in the same house temporarily, as in the case of a visiting cousin or niece or grand daughter. In most cases, the poor girl  can be lured into sex by blackmail, being over-powered, drugged or use of aphrodisiacs.

            The relative could be the guidiance, the child/adolescent could even depend heavily on the offender for survival, the incest in this case is likely to last longer than any kind of incest because in such situation, little or no attention is always given to the girl child. On disclosure, in an african setting, the victim always suffers the more, probably by the offender's nuclear family e.g the offender's wife, if married. In the real sense, the adults that are suppose to take care of these children/adolescents are the very ones violating them.

             In the case of a family friends as the offender, they always like to befriend the poor girl and create a form of familiarity  between the victims and themselves by buying the victims with gifts. Infact, most relative offenders are child groomers.

             There are many variations in family incest pattern. They often involve families being socially isolated. Family influences may contribute to incest, but the offender's behaviour is the abuse. The offender is the sole person responsoble for the abuse. Most children/adolescent always put the blame on themselves. A violated girl child do not speak out because she is scared of being blamed and does not think anyone will believe her own part if the story. And another problem to her is, who is she going to disclosure the incest to? Because mothers in incestuous families are always weak (emotionally or physically).

INCESTUOUS FAMILIES (1)

INCESTUOUS FAMILIES; Incestuous famiy here, am referring to incestuous nuclear families. Families in which incest occur tends to be close inwardly, such families lack in real emotional connection to people outside  the family. Incestuous families are are not as stable internally as it might be observed from the outside. The parents are always not in good terms when it come to emotional intimacy, even if there is an active sex life between them. Among the other members of such families, the emotional connection is lacking as well. One or both of the parents were usually sexually abused as children. In this article, i will be focusing on the most common family incest i.e Father-daughter incest. Because it involves the violation of a minor. 

In incestuous family settings, the fathers are always the offenders, the mothers, non- offenders, and the daughter, the victim.In Japan, the mother-son incest is quite common, but here in Africa, in Nigeria precisely, father-daughter is more common. So, i am focusing on father-daughter incest. I want use the following sections to analyse the role of a mother, a father and a victim daughter in a typical incestuous family. 

         THE MOTHER {NON-OFFENDING ADULT}:
A typical mother in an incestuous family exhibits some form of weakness capacity. Her work might be taking much of the time she is suppose to spend with her family or she might as well be a lazy full house wife. there is always one form of weakness. She might be chronically ill, depressed, economically dependent and/or socally isolated. She could be the a victim of a sexual abuse herself, when she was a child/adolescent. In most cases, the mothers in an incestuous family are not responsive to their children's needs.

          A Mother might be in a destructive relationship with the father, the marriage may look perfect to outsiders because such family are very secretive.But internally, the marriage is always unsatisfying, limited in communication and lacking in emotional intimacy. Lacking in emotional intimacy with the children too.

          In incestuous family, you will discovered that alot of adult responsibilities are delegated to the female children in that family, most especially, the oldest daughters. Delegation of adult responsibilities to female children could be delibrate or unintentional. Unintentional in the sense that the mother is very sick, divorced, etc. For example, i have come across a family in which the oldest daughter was the one taking care of her younger ones,  did the cooking, serve the father, taking up most of the responsibilities in the house, while the mother sits lazily around doing nothing. And come to think of it, she is barely 13years. The mother in some cases might even depend on the daughter for emotional support. Sadly, the mothers in incestuous normally lack the ability and skills to demonstrate unconditional love. They may be unable to set aside their own responsive neediness in order to respond with empathy to their child's daily experience. 

            Most mother's in an incestuous family are not always aware that sexual abuse was going on in her family. She may have sensed that something was not right without having allowed herself to think that it could be an incest. She may even doubt her own perception of the abuse and thus, may have convinced herself that she was earlier crazy or she is imagining too far in her mind. Often, daughters do not tell their mothers about the sexual abuse going on because they can sense their mother's weakness and might wants to protect her from any further pain and hardship she is going through. Daughters may also fear the loss of the family and take literally, such threats as "It will kill your mom if she finds out about this".

             How do mothers respond to the disclosure of incest involving  her daughter? Here, am referring to incest in a typical nuclear families, the Father-daughter incest. The responsiveness of mothers upon disclosure differs greatly from each other. And also depend on the situation of the mother. In a situation, in which the mother do not depend on the man {father} for basic and necessary needs and is not intimidated by him, then the level of responsiveness is likely to be positive because she can comfortably confront her husband and take  the necessary steps in stopping the sexual abuse. Now, in a situation in which the mother is timid, totally depends on the man,  financially, emotionally and scared of lossing the marriage, then she will be caught in an atmosphere of confusion. 

           Mothers often feel immobilize at the time of disclosure. A woman may fear the disclosure means she must make a choice between her baby girl and her husband. Two people towards whom she feels loved and loyalty. One woman asked "Should i cut off my right arm or my left?". While few women respond to their daughter's disclosure in a supportive manner, many frequently have a very hard time believing that incest has occurred. Some mothers totally disregard the disclosure and forget it was even mentioned.. This amnesia-like response leaves the victim feeling ignored and violated. A woman believing that her husband or partner has abused her girl child or other children not hers can be forced in making choices and take actions. A woman who has already decided to end her relationship {either divorce or temporary seperation} is likely to believe her gir child and take action because she has less to lose. The woman who wants to remain in the relationship or who atleast has mixed feelings- which is the most common response, has the hardest time.

             Now, when a woman fully accept the possibility that incest has occurred between her partner or husband and her lovely girl child/adolescent, alot of thoughts will seems to stream  through her mind. And she will always go through some or all of the following feelings:

• She is angry at her daughter for not revealing the incest sooner and at her husband for doing this to her child and to her.                                                                       
• She feels guilty that she has failed to protect her child and that she fails to satisfy her husband. She thinks it may be her fault that the incest has occurred.                                                                                                                   
• She feel betrayed by her husband, he has been living a lie and a little by her daughter for having kept the relationship a secret.                                                                 

• She hates her husband for the consequences of what he has done. The damage to her child, to her relationship with her own child, to the relationship between herself and her husband.                                               

• She repulsed by him, keeps thinking about him touching and fondling her girl child and trying to get the thoughts out of her mind. How could he do it?                                                                                                             
• Sometimes, she even feels a little jealusy towards her daughter for the extra attention.
•                 
• She feels she has failed as a mother  and as a wife.

        In the next article, i will be concluding on this topic, i will focus my gaze on the role of a typical father and a typical daughter in an incestuous family. 

INCEST: Definition and type

DEFINITION: According to wikipedia, incest is defined as follows: " Incest is sexual activity between family members or close relatives. This typically includes sexual activity between people in consanguineous relationship and sometimes, those related by affinity such as individuals of same househood,  step relatives, those related by adoption or marriage, or members of the same clan or lineage".  The word is derived from latin word "INCESTUS" {IN +CESTUS}. CESTUS means chaste, otherword, INCESTUS means unchaste, impure, profane. There are different ways in which incest take place in a family settings or between relatives.

             I am going to be giving type of incest based on the assent between the two people involved the incest.

                                TYPE OF INCEST
Consentaneous incest: This is the type of incest in which two people, members of a particular family or relatives willingly engage in sexual activities. In this type of incest, both party consent to it. They could be two teens, One adult and a teen, and two adults. One of them could be seduced, but not forced into having sex with the other person. Consentaneous incests are always secretive. the following are examples of consentaneous incest;

• Matured siblings
• Mother- son
• Uncle- matured niece
• Step father-matured step daughter 
• Between cousins
• Between In-laws

Infact any two family members or relatives who have agreed to take part in sexual activities together.

 
 Dissentaneous incest: This is the type of incest i will be concentrating on, in my subsequent articles about incest. This is a type of incest in which atleast one of the people involved do not consent or unwillingly give in to the sexual activity going on between them. Now, in the case of incest involving an adult and a chilld or unwilling adolescent, then it is called child/adolescent molestation, or simply, child molestation, because it is utterly impossible for a child whose body is not ready for sexual activity to give consent to a violating adult. And in most countries, such act is against the law. The perpetrator of such act is known as the offender and the other person at the receiving end is dub the victim. Since the victim will never agree to the ply of the offender, then the offender will device a means of luring and having sexual activities with the victim, which i will be explaining later in subsequent incest articles. 

             

The victim could be an adult, adolescent, or even a child as young as three years old. Some of the method deviced  by offenders in other to lure their victims into having sex with them is as follows: 

•    Forced sex {e.g rape}
•    Drugged
•    Blackmailing
•    Exposure to adult materials,  incase the victim is a child.

    Like i said previously, i will be concentrating on child/adolescent molestion. I love the definition from the book INCEST AND SEXUALITY,  Quoted as follow: " We define incest as any sexual contact between a child or adolescent and a person who is closely related or perceived to be related including step parents, and live-in partners of parents." I will adopt this definition for the reason of my writing i.e incest involving the molestation of a female child. Most of the report that i had to opportunities to come across,  majority of the victims are female children/ adolescents. The offenders are always older and physically stronger males for example, The fathers,  step fathers, uncles, cousins, step siblings, male in-laws, even grand fathers and male family friends.

          Incest occurs in so many families nowadays, pedophiles are everywhere,  any child is vulnerable, both the male and the female child, though, the female child is badly affected. Engaging a child in sexual activities is like taking away a child from his or her childhood. psychologiclly and physically, a child's body is not prepared for any sexual activities. No child/adolescent will ever willingly give consent give consent to being molested by a selfish adult, especially, the female child, because for the female child/adolescent, sexual activities that involves genital penetration becomes excruciatingly painful. And apart from the pain, it is also accompanies with it, post-traumatic stress disorder, sustaining of injuries, being infected with diseases, unwanted pregnancy, low self esteem etc. 

              Incest cases, a molested female child may wish to disclose this incestuous event that she is experiencing but the fear of being seen as awkward, blamed, and rejected. Especially, when the first person she confided in did not believe in her or showed any positive response in stopping the offender from carry out his dubious act, then the child/adolescent will accept her faith. The child's suffering counld last for as long possible, especially, if the child depend solely on the offender. Effective response is what the child needs. There are situations in which the mother is aware of the girl child being molested but still keeps it a secret or even covers it up to avoid the family from splittng up.The situation can be complicated for the mothers involved, especially, when they are directly dependent on the offender {mostly fathers or step fathers}.But think about child/adolescent who is suffering  physically, emotionall and psychologically. Think about what they will become in the future. Such mother is destroying the life of a child she ought to be nurturing, especially when the offender is unrepentant. 

          Please join hand with me,  together, we can protect these beautiful, adorable, innocent young ones from being violated. There are many monsters {pedophiles} around these days. If YOU, i mean you reading this article right now, comes across any incident of a child/adolescent being sexually abused, please take a positive action to make sure that the abuse is stopped. Let us rise against this menace that is demoralizing our society. Both the offender and the victim need help. 

            In the next article, i am going to write on incestuous family, and the roles of each members in an incestuous family.

INCEST: Introduction

CHILD/ADOLESCENT'S SEXUAL ABUSE
Abuse means being perverted, wrongly used of something. Abuse can be in various ways. there are sexual abuse, psychological abuse, drug abuse, anything at all that is given to be misused. Here, i will be discussing sexual abuse because it is becoming a problem in this modern world of ours. Hardly, do you read or listen to the news daily, without a report reaching you about a child/adolescent being violated sexually. It is happening at an alarming rate nowjadays. The female child is always most affected. Am not saying that male children are not molested too but the female children are most affected psychologically and the emotional stress that accompanies female child molestion. Majority of child/adolescent sexual abusive cases are always left unreported. 

             Our culture does not help matter in this issue at all. A culture that sees the inequality between the male and female child will continue to experience this problem that is eating deep into our society at an alarming rate. During the developmental years, male and female children/adolescent are taught stereotyped sex roles that set the stage for how sexual activity should take place. Males are often taught that being unfeeling, uncommunicative and sexually demanding is part of being masculine. Sexual activities becomes an opportunity to gain peer status and show conquering abilities rather than to related meaningfully to another person. A Female child, culturally socialise to seek approval from others by being passive, adaptive and physically attractive. They are taught to downplay their intelligence and assertiveness for fear of being seen as unfeminine. Thus, girls learn to exploit themselves sexually toward a nonsensual goal. Little cultural recognition is given to the healthy expression of female sexual feeling, instead, sexual directiveness in young women is considered abnormal. It appears that the society has been grooming boys to be sexually exploitive, and girls to be sexually victimized.

           I am using this opportunity to call on parents. Parents  ought to be vigilant especially when it comes to being protective of their female children who seems to be more vulnerable than their male counterpart. Parents need to inculcate into their children sexual relating matters. Sex should be taught and portrayed in a different way. It would be very helpful to the society if we begin teaching sexual relating issues as serious activity that can be approached with personal integrity, a willingness to assume responsibility. If sexual lessons are to be undertaken responsibly, with accurate information and healthy sex role models, negative repercussions could reduced.

           In today's world, molestation is becoming a very big problem. Children are being engaged in a wrong type of relationship which leaves a deep ingrained effect on these young ones. It could even last a lifetime effect. Please do not think that it is none of your business, because as a parent, you might not know if your beloved kid is being violated by a close related adult, an offender. The offender of a female child could be a cousin, an uncle, an father, step father, next door neighbour, family male friend, grand father, neighbours, any adult male etc.
   
           In subsequent articles, i will be concentrating more on the female children because they are more vulnerable and when sexual abused always have longer lasting emotional effect on the female child compared to a male child. The male children/adolescents are also molested on a daily basis but for a female child/adolescent, it is always accompanied with excruciating pain, traumatic stress, infections, emotional breakdown, teen's pregnancy etc.

          Sexual abuse has finally been recognised as a major problem in the society. Public awareness and education about childhood/teendom sexual abuse must be one of the primary goal of a sane society.

           Incest is the most common form of sexual abuse. Incest between an adult and a person under the age of consent is considered a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme foms of childhood abuse. It often results in serious and long term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest.

             I call upon mothers to be vigilant and to pay close attention to their children, most especially the female children, becoming close to them, opening a channel of communication between you and your female child is very  important. Gone are those days when parents shy away from sexually related topics with their children. sex topic ought to be inculcated in the minds of this little ones. teach them how to react when someone plays with them sexually. 

            Many benefits can be derived from addressing the relationship between incest and sexuality. As a society, we can become more informed about the real damage that occurs. Our motivation to combat child sexual abuse can be strengthened. Parents can recognise signs of abuse earlier and more outspoken role in protecting their children. Sexual offenders can be directly challenged without intimidation. An incest that is a sexual abuse can go on for quite a long time undetected. In such instance, you can imagine the pain and traumatic stress this victim children experiences every single day as this incestuous activity keeps on occuring on a regular basis. She might not be your child, she could be the girl next door, Your friend's daughter etc. Join me to save these children/adolescents today. Let heal the world and make it a better place.

         In the next article i will giving you the full details about incest; Defination  and type of incest.

DO PLANTS HAVE SOULS?

Plants are magnificent creatures, apart from human beings and animals. Plants are the other physical living things that exist on this Gross material world. Plants have already been here on earth before the emergence of animals, and the arrival of man. Plants here, am including the green plants, fungi, red and brown algea. Every other form of life on earth are dependent on these creatures directly or indirectly.

             Plants are creatures that are so common that we always underestimate their values in our lives. the truth is that we cannot do without these lovely, beautiful creatures. The order of this physical world make us rely heavily on plants. The physical body of man is part of mature, so it is of no different from that of all other developed animals like apes when it comes its physical needs. So you have no choice but depend on plants whether you like it or not.

               Plants were here on earth even before the emergence of animals and man being the late comer to these earth is been mandated to take control and subdue both the plant and animals. Plants are living things just like man and animals, its amazing to realise that the feed, breathe, grows, reproduces in their own ways and so on. But in all, they are meant for the survival of man and animals. I am using the phrase man and animals in the sense that man is of a different origin from animals. The former is from the Spiritual realm of Creation while the later is from the Animistic ring of Creation. But in reality on this Gross material World, the physical body of man is not different from those of animals in the sense that they both issued from this Gross material World. Everything in this Material world is in cycle, which applies to life on earth too. Everything in this Gross Material world is meant to be born, undergo some form development, grow old and be born again in a grand version. Our dear Earth, being a part of this Gross Material world is susceptible to this cycle of change too. There was a time this Earth was formed, it is in its certain stage of development and it will grow old and die (disintegrate). the same applies to man, animal and plants on Earth. That is why we are mortals. Our physical body is a mere flesh, that will be left behind.

                 Now, the question is, if Man originates from the Spiritual, the animals from the Animistic, where do plants originates from? Hmmmm good question, exactly how someone asked me on whatsapp. 

                 Unlike Man and animals, plants do not have souls, but they are found in almost all the planes, realms in Creation. They serve different purposes in different planes in Creation. I would have loved to write about one of the purpose of plants in the Ethereal world but i do not intend to bore you with much story in this article. I want to limit my writing of this purposes to the physical world alone.

                 Plants are magnificent creatures that their great importance are always underestimated in our lives. Yet, we can hardly do without them. The truth is that plants are there in order for us to survive on Earth. They are there for the purpose of Man and animals directly or indirectly. 

         Permit me to write a little about some of the the importance of plants to Man. They are as follows:

  FOR FOOD:
 Man derives his food from plants. All the food that man consume are directly or indirectly dependable on plants. Plants comtains all the nutrients that the physical bodies of man and animal needs in order to live a healthy and balance life on Earth. Different plant's species have been used by man as food and more are yet to be discovered. 

ATMOSPHERIC PURIFICATION:  
    Plants are very important in this aspect that without the plants, the earth would have become very hot to live. They also help in regulating air componenent by absorbing carbondioxide and using it for its own metabolism and by end product, oxygen  which man and animals need in order to survive. Most of the oxygen gas molecules present in the air, consumed by both man and animals are produced by plants. Trees can absorb odors and pollutant gases through their bark. It is a pity that man who is mandated to dominate and subdue creation is the one interfering with the order of nature by cutting down trees without planting any replacement , by doing so, man causes a great disturbance to mother nature. Please think twice before bringing down that trees.

MEDICINE:  
   Plants can also serve as medicine when the physical body of both man and animals are in a bad  state of health, the plants will still come to the rescue. Drugs are derived directly or indirectly from plants. There are those that are gifted with the ability to choose herbs for any kind of illness. That weed, flowers, tree bark, grasses that you always ignore on a daily bases could be medicinal, you never can tell. 

            The three importance of plants listed above are inevitable for the survival of man and animals on earth. Although, there are numerous importance that are even beyond the knowledge of man. When it comes to beautification, plants are there. Shelter and habitat; they are there. 
   
             Like every other parts of nature, plants are taken care of by animistic beings put in charge of nature and its elements.
            

TRIUNE GOD

In the last article, you were made to understand that there is but one God, but one power, The Father of All! What then is Trinity? God the Father, God the Son and the Holy Spirit! Have you ever pondered about this conception before? How can there be One God and at the same time THREE IN ONE? Humanly, it is impossible right? So find a place and relax, as i take you closer to the truth in the next paragraghs of this article.

           When mankind shut themselves out of paradise by not heeding the guidance of the intuitive perception any longer, which is spiritual and therefore, near to God, but freely choose to cultivate the intellect, subjecting themselves to it and thus becoming slaves of the tool given them to use, they naturally further and further away from God. The cleavage occurred when humanity gave preference to worldly matters, which are unconditionally bounded to space and time.This is alien to the nature of God and therefore makes it impossible to comprehend HIM.

             The gulf became wider with each generation, and men chained themselves more and more exclusively to this earth. They became earthbound intellectually. As man becomes more more materialistic everyday, he firmly bound himself to space and time, it was naturally that their horizon simultaneously became narrowed. Man could no longer understand the spiritual things any more. Even the religious leaders of those days could not recognise the Divine message brought by Jesus to humanity, because they were highly materialistic. And today, it is even worse. So, be careful, who you imitate!

             Man became so materialistic and subjected himself to the rule of the intellect, that he could no longer perceive anything spiritual any more. Even the Prophets sent by God were not heeded to any more.

             The question is, how can man find the connection with the Spiritual again? With his Creator again? It was utterly impossible unless help comes from HIM alone.

            God in His Purity could no longer reveal HIMSELF to the debased intellectual human beings, because they were no longer capable of sensing, seeing or hearing His Messengers again.

             For this reason, God in His Love, through an Act of His Will, severed a Part of HIMSELF and incarnated it in flesh and blood, in a physical body of a male sex- Jesus of Nazareth, Who thus became the incarnate Word, the incarnate Love of God, the Son of God.

                Now, prior to the coming of our Lord Jesus, there had been the FATHER and the Holy Spirit. Creation had to come into existence through the Creative Will of God the FATHER! As such the Creative Will of God the FATHER is the HOLY SPIRIT,  Who is personal in His creating and yet stands or remains completely in the FATHER and the FATHER is within Him as He creates. Everything in Creation is created by the Creative Will of God. The HOLY SPIRIT is also a Son of God, because He is a Part of the FATHER also.

                 Just as the Creative Will of God is personal, so also the Love of God became personal in activity in Jesus. Both being a Parts of the FATHER are one with Him, and the FATHER is within them.

              Let me use this opportunity to explain the term  "Son". I was chatting with my beloved friend, a muslim, then i told him that Jesus is the Son of God! Then he asked a very important question, i quote: "Who is the Divine mother of Jesus, if the Father is God? That is the problem, man always think of the term "Son" in the human way, like a son in a human family.

              For the Divine "Son" mean a "Part" of the FATHER that works specially by ITSELF. Son and FATHER are completely one and can never be seperated! Therefore, never in any case think about the Divine Son according to the human way, for that would be certain to give an absolutely false picture. It would lead you to errors in conception that would completely eliminate the actual facts and would consequently never let you come nearer to the truth!

               Perhaps, one should rather say: It is only God the FATHER, HE works threefold as one! Whatever God the Son works, that He works out of the FATHER, in the FATHER, for the FATHER! He would be nothing without the FATHER; For He is Part of the FATHER and the FATHER Himself is within Him and works in Him. The FATHER does not perchance work out of the Son, thus, not through Him, but in Him! Herein lies the mystery for the human conception because it cannot be described in earthly words.

                In the human family, the son is by himself and the father is by himself, they are and remain two. At the utmost, they can become united in their working, but never one! It is different with the expression God the Son! Just the opposite! God the FATHER and God the Son are one and can only be considered as two in their working, as also the two Sons of God, Jesus and the HOLY SPIRIT are one with the FATHER only in their working two. 

                 Both Sons of God remains closely connected with the FATHER and one with HIM. As Jesus is of the FATHER, so also is the HOLY SPIRIT. Both are Parts of Him. They are like the arms of a human body which can act independently, but still belong to the body, if they are to be complete. Yet they can only carry out independent actions as parts of the whole.

                  Such is God in His omnipotence and wisdom! At His right hand as part of Himself, is God the Son, Love and His left is God the "HOLY  SPIRIT", Justice. They have both emanated from God the FATHER and belong to Him in unity. This is the Trinity of the one God.

                  Before Creation came into existence, God was one! During the process of creating, He severed a part of His WILL to work independently in Creation and thus, became two fold. When later it became necessary to provide a mediator for erring mankind, because the purity of God did not permit a direct connection to self-enchained humanity, out of His love, He severed a part of Himself to act as a temporary bridge in order to make Himself once more understood. Thus, with the birth of Christ, God became a Trinity.

                   If you really want to learn more about God the FATHER, learn from His incarnate Word! The message that He brought this earth and the Prophets too. Do not be only the hearer of this Messages, but you must also apply them in your daily activities.