EFFECT OF INCEST ON SURVIVORS[2]

Sex appetite: Lack of sexual desire is a common complaint of incest survivors. It appears related to an array of problems associated with arousal. Regardless of whether survivors felt pain, pleasure or numbness during the actual physical experience of the incest. Most of them seem to identify sexual arousal with the feelings they had during their sexually abused experiences. At the time of the incest their concept of sexuality and their biological responses to sexual stimulation became associated with their negative feelings toward the abuse. This negative conditioning is very strong in survivors because the sexual abuse usually constituted their first experience with overt sexual stimulation and their negative feelings were reinforced through the repetition of the sexual abuse.

" It's difficult to enjoy stimulation to my genital area when that stimulation vividly reminds me of a previous offensive experience" Excerpt from INCEST AND SEXUALITY.

So women who were violetly and sadistically assaulted during abuses later report that sexual arousal has become paired with violent sexual behaviour.

"A twenty-six years old woman was subjected to fondling, intercourse and oral sex for five years by her brother and was tortured, tied up, locked in a small room and raped with objects said: "Many women including me, are attracted to what happened and very aroused with a repeat. Why do you think bondage, S/M , e.t.c are so popular? It's a repeat of incest- This is how i react. Loving gentle sex is too scary- a repeat of "torture" is arousing in a very scary way". Exerpt from INCEST AND SEXUALITY.


Thoughts and sensations that occur naturally during sex, such as heavy breathing, the smell of sweet, moaning sounds and sensual touching may trigger a flash back to the incest. Incest is sexual, and so by its very nature it has sexual repercussions for its victims. These repercussions can function as sexual dissabilities blocking healthy expression and enjoyment of sex. However, the sexual problems resulting from early abuse needs not be permanent. Survivors can come to realize they can make the needed change, in most case, when they are motivated and supported.

Low self esteem and bad self-image: A girl child's self-concept is built by taking in messages from the important adults in her life. When she is praised, supported and encouraged, she will probably like herself and feels she is worthwhile.In contrast, a girl who gets the message that what she feels and wants does not matter will come to feel that she is not lovable. She may feel discourage and believes she does not deserve to be cared for by others. Her basic sense of self-worth can easily become associated with her ability to second guess the needs of other people in her family. 

The unsupported girl child may strive to be perfect in the eyes of her family. An unsupported child is not different from the supported ones, the difference is in her perception i.e what they have heard, and being thought are quite different.

In incest, survivors learned not to expect reciprocity in relationships. In an incestuous families,  the offending male adults, always uses lies and deception to change the mindset of this girls. It is quite difficult and sometimes painful for a child to perceive her parent as a lier. In most cases, they believe the lies to be true.

"One teen's father, after she told him she did not lik what he was doing to her, replies, "Yes, you do. You know you do, you little tease!" Interactions like these leave the child with a sense of self-doubt and with a limited ability to trust herself." Excerpt from INCEST AND SEXUALITY.

Many survivors report having strong negative feelings toward their bodies; "ugly", "repulsive" and "disgusting" are words victims frequently use to describe themselves. These feelings serve to fuel self-hatred guilt. Survivors may respond to having negetive feelings about their bodies in a variety of ways. They may hide their bodies with excessive weight, clothes and hairstyle, may neglect their hygiene, may flaunt their bodies with seductive dresses may harm their bodies by taking extreme physical risk or by abusing drugs and alcoholic or may fail to nourish and generally care for themselves.

"He always told me I was really beautiful, but I never could quite believe him, because whenever you look in the mirror at yourself you always see this ugly image of yourself. I thought he was just saying that to make me feel better about myself so that i would do what he wanted me to. What I got was a comparison between my mom and me. He'd say my breast were so much fuller and firmer than my mom's, or my body was so much more supple, and all this, which didn't really say anything about me as a person; it was just in comparison to my mom. I really don't know what he could expect, because during most of it, my mom was pregnant".Excerpt from INCEST AND SEXUALITY.

" I hated myself and couldn't get along with others. I was always getting into trouble at school for fighting. My life was miserable. I got poor grades and spent most of the time alone. I retreated from life. When i was at home i spent most of my time in my bedroom, usually crying. I wanted to belong. I wanted to have friends, but i had established a reputation for being a poor sport and a fighter. I was a loner. During recess I sat by myself. I knew the other kids didn't want to play with me. I was a social  reject, a complete outcast. In the sixth grade I was a total reject. I was always late for school. I rarely had homework done on time. I was irresponsible. I was forgetting everything. I wore hand-me-down clothes that were outdated. My hair was unkempt and I didn't care for myself. I had tried to change over the years, but something always held me back". Excerpt from INCEST AND SEXUALITY.