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Advice to mothers in incestuous families;  My advices to all mothers is to pay extra attention to their children's needs. Most especially their emotional needs. As a mother, there is a need for you to open a channel of communication between you and your children at all time. Stop playing boss with your children. Female children are more liable to become closer to their mothers than their male counterpart. It is the female children mostly affected when abused sexually. Should you discover any incident of incest especially, a Father-daughter incest, at first do not lay any blame on yourself. Get enough facts before confronting him. His reaction to the allegation  leveled  against him will determine your next step.

         If he does not deny the intimacy affair he is having with his step/daughter, and he is ready to get help? Then indeed, he really needs help! Some men will even be glad at being caught, because this can put an end to an addiction that he could not discontinue on his own. 

          Do not be deceived when a pedophile is remorseful and promise not to engage any child in sexual activities again, then he has repented of his actions, NO! It is not a problem he can handle, he needs help, it is an addiction. If left alone, he is likely to continue with the victim, or source for another victim to devour because it is impossible to stop an addiction at once. So, do not sweep the issue under the carpet,  do not let him go without getting help. In Father-daughter incest, the perpetrator, being the father ican be very manipulative and could use another tactics to lure the girl into bed. When the man gets help, he will be able support the girl, in that way, the effect on the girl will be reduced to its minimal. The girl will feel some sense of belonging.
        Now, when your husband does not co-operate, threatens you, which is typical of most african husband, then you have to do the needful, i know the situation might be complicated one, but you just have to try and report him. It is likely that your daughter is not the only victim being tormented by him. Remember, it is an addiction he is battling with, do not expect him stop on his own. Pedophiles do not know how to stop, even if he wishes to stop. Unless you force him to stop.

          Fathers or step fathers who sexually abuse their children lead double lives. On the outside, they may appear very normal, you might not be able to distinct them from other fathers. These fathers are member of every religion, race, profession, socioeconomic groups, and varying ages. They could be highly respected in the society, they could be first, second or third class citizens. They could be a very dedicated family men, who are good providers.

           Inwardly, sexually abusive fathers or step fathers are psychologically distressed, emotionally isolated and emotional immatured. Their view about sex and sexuality as a whole are distorted. They lack that ability to control self sexually. If a man can control himself sexually, his daughter or step daughter will be the last person he wants to willingly have sex with. Incestuous fathers are filled with very low self-esteem. These set of fathers may even grew up being molested too, as a child. Some seek to attain a feeling of power by exerting themselves as head of the family in an authoritarian way, other family members may feel intimidated by them.

            They are self-appointed experts on all family mathers. Always successfully isolating the other family members from outsiders. Method of accomplishing this ranges from the delibrate embarrassment of guests who are visiting to direct proscribing of family members from interacting with others.  Frequently, sexually abusive fathers will turn to alcohol, drugs or other form of escape to dodge the pain they feel inside. Incestuous fathers turns to incest in a vain attempt to meet their emotional, as well their sexual needs.

             On disclosure, abusive fathers will almost uniformly deny having any sexual activities with the victim. Now, when he finally admits, after tangible evidence has been present to him, he may nevertheless deny responsibility for the abuse, he might attempt to absolve himself by shifting blames to his spouse. 

              Some offenders sigh a sign of relieve after finally being caught. They may welcome an opportunity to get control over their problem. An offenders willingness to admit his responsibility for the abuse can in itself be a big help to the victim in her recovery.

A child/adolescent who is involved in incest in an incestuous families live in an ongoing state of psychological stress. These set of children are always very sad and helpless. Troubled by the memories of the past abuse, the fear of the future abuse, the fears that accompany the abuses e.g pregnancy and the pressure of keeping the sexual abuses secret. A good observer will notice the psychological stress of the sexual abuse on a child/adolescent displayed with the change in behaviour. You will notice a mood change, each time the offender is around that child/adolescent. In incestuous families, the fathers, step fathers, half brothers are always in the position to be the offender. The victims are always the female children. The offenders are always physically stronger than their victims.

             Children/adolescents victims in incestuous families are likely to have assumed a role as a parentlike figure to other family members, the process known in psychological terms as parentification. Such victims are usually the oldest daughters in the family. The "little mother" of the house may submit to sexual abuses by the offender for various reasons. Firstly, to protect her younger ones from being molested by the same offender. Secondly, sensing the mother's weakness, she is protecting her mother from getting hurt by her father or step father. Some daughters may even think that it is their responsibility when sex is requested of them. Victims of sexual assaults grow up without a sense of protection and security. All children needs love, care, security and trust. The first  people they interact with, when they arrive this world, are their parents. Children/adolescents needs their parent or guidiance to build their inner strength. In incestuous families, for children/adolescents in adult-child/adolescent incest, trust is totally destroyed. As such children grow, they may be handicapped in their ability to establish trusting relationships with others. A father in an incestuous family teaches the daughter victim that it is not safe to trust, not even herself.

             Now, can you imagine a child/adolescent with multiple offenders? such child/adolescent must be going through hell.

              When child/adolescent is neglected by all the the adults in her life, and the only seemingly caring adult around is the offender, taking advantage of her. she might interprete being taken advantage of as love. In this case, the victim might fall inlove with the offender, but it is still wrong no matter which way you are looking at it from. Even after the abuse becomes public, the child/adolescent may defend and continue to idealize the offender. The emotional dependency on the offender may blind the child/adolescent to the harm caused by the abuse.

              Sexually abused children generally, are secretive when it comes to the sexual abuse they are experiencing, because of the fear of being misunderstood, blamed, punished, disgraced. All children view themselves as the centre of all their pre-matured sexual experiences. It is quite difficult for the child to realise that the abuse has very little to do with her, that it is a symptom of a sickness no one discovered in the offender. The abused child needs help, likewise the offender.

                   RELATIVES AS OFFENDERS:
          The child's nearby relative can be her offender also. A relative according to the defination is a person who is in any form related to a particular family. So, a child/adolescent's offender can be a close relative in the person of her uncle, cousin, family friend, grandfather etc The most common of relative incest is a cousin-cousin incest. My concentration here still maintain on the offender-victim incest. The  victims are the weak, helpless female child and the offenders, the strong male molester. 

            In this setting of relative incest, the victims are always living very close with the offender. They could both reside in the same house temporarily, as in the case of a visiting cousin or niece or grand daughter. In most cases, the poor girl  can be lured into sex by blackmail, being over-powered, drugged or use of aphrodisiacs.

            The relative could be the guidiance, the child/adolescent could even depend heavily on the offender for survival, the incest in this case is likely to last longer than any kind of incest because in such situation, little or no attention is always given to the girl child. On disclosure, in an african setting, the victim always suffers the more, probably by the offender's nuclear family e.g the offender's wife, if married. In the real sense, the adults that are suppose to take care of these children/adolescents are the very ones violating them.

             In the case of a family friends as the offender, they always like to befriend the poor girl and create a form of familiarity  between the victims and themselves by buying the victims with gifts. Infact, most relative offenders are child groomers.

             There are many variations in family incest pattern. They often involve families being socially isolated. Family influences may contribute to incest, but the offender's behaviour is the abuse. The offender is the sole person responsoble for the abuse. Most children/adolescent always put the blame on themselves. A violated girl child do not speak out because she is scared of being blamed and does not think anyone will believe her own part if the story. And another problem to her is, who is she going to disclosure the incest to? Because mothers in incestuous families are always weak (emotionally or physically).